10. |
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. |
9. |
My father's sister's husband in-law's second
cousin from a previous marriage passed away unexpectingly. |
8. |
I won't be in today so I can help my wife get
pregnant |
7. |
My Psychiatrist at the mental institution said
I shouldn't subject myself to any stress today. |
6. |
I spent all night at the hospital , they
thought I had appendicitis but it turned out to be just gas. |
5. |
I went to a baseball game a few days ago
and was hit in the head by a foul ball and got a case of amnesia I realized
who I was this morning but things are still a little fuzzy. |
4. |
I will not be in to work today so I can
stalk my previous boss who fired me for not coming into work. |
3. |
My washing machine shredded all my work
clothes and all I have to wear is my Marilyn Manson nightshirt. |
2. |
I accidentally took Ex-Lax with my Prozac this
morning and can't get off the toilet, but I feel good about it |
1. |
I will not be in today because the voices
in my head told me to clean my guns today. |