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For May 5, 2005

Now exactly what is a Celebrity Douche bag you ask? Well basically it’s another word for an idiot in my sort of Heavy Metal, Surfer, Toilet humor lingo. It could be anyone in the entertainment world from an Actor or Actress, Musician, Athlete, or even a common everyday dude like yourself who happens to do something so stupid that it gets them national exposure, like that idiot Scott Peterson. You don’t even have to have talent to be a Douche Bag of the Month you could just be a famous idiot. For instance, this is how Jeff Foxworthly might say it best if he was talking about Douche Bags instead of Rednecks…If you dye your hair jet black, lip-sync crappy music, and live off your sisters success for a living….you might be a Douche Bag. Sorry Ashlee Simpson but you are.

10. Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit – Releases sex video on internet and nobody cares other that to get a good laugh. Releases a new album with his band and again nobody cares. Seen in public with a pee stain on his khacki shorts, priceless. Fred you RULE dude!!!

9. Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers – Destroyed L.A. Lakers and the life of a girl in Colorado, renews wedding vowels with his wife and the 4 karat diamond ring he gave her after having sex with another woman. What a team leader.

8. Britney Spears – The first Redneck of Pop gained 30 pounds then announced she is pregnant, sold her pregnancy test on Ebay and announced that she will only discuss her personal life to the media through her art. How much do you think she'll get for the afterbirth?

7. Rush Limbaugh – The pill popping blow hard invites Clay Aiken on his show ridicules Clay and American Idol, then apologizes to Aiken’s fans. Then Limbaugh goes to the local House of Pancakes and devours the dinner buffet.

6. Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles – The star Wide Receiver publicly rips into teammate, Quarterback Donovan McNabb, for his Super Bowl performance and tells team he wants to renegotiate the 7 year 49 million dollar contract he signed last summer or he will holdout of training camp. I’ll take a player like Hines Ward over this guy anytime.

5. Rosie O’Donnell – The 300lb gay woman does a the worst acting job in TV history in the CBS movie “Riding the Bus with my Sister” in which she played a mentally challenged girl that sounded a lot like comedian Bobcat Goldthwait in his act a few years ago. How anyone in the movie made it through the scenes without cracking up I’ll never know. Then states President Bush should be tried on war crimes for the Iraq conflict. Rosie you should be tried for war crimes for bad acting and smelling like tuna.

4. Michael Jackson - The molestation trial getting weirder by the day. Jacko has books of naked little boys and is said to have a strange looking winkie … well there is a shock. How long before this Peter Pan Freak has a meltdown in court and rips off his nose and throws it at one of the prosecutions witnesses.

3. Pat O’Brien – Leaves voice mail message to anonymous woman saying he wants a 3 way but you have to be into Betsy…checks into rehab for alcohol and cocaine abuse. Allegedly made racial slurs to minorities on the set of his TV show. And he’s Irish, go figure.

2. Corey Clark – Former American Idol contestant claims to have had an affair with one of the judges, Paula Abdul, on Primetime Live and tries to expose Paula and American Idol. But Clark, who has a history of unlawful activity, also coincidently is trying to get a book published and an album released. The dude also talks like he has the interview skills of a brick…duhhhh you know what I’m sayin Jackass!

1. Jennifer Wilbanks/John Mason – What a couple this is, Wilibanks or otherwise known as the “Runaway Bride” fakes her disappearance and flees from Georgia to New Mexico because of wedding day jitters and her fiancé Mason still wants to marry her. Dude take a hint, she’s crazy and does not want to marry you.

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10.		Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit – Releases sex video on internet and nobody cares other that to get a good laugh. Releases a new album with his band and again nobody cares. Seen in public with a pee stain on his khacki shorts, priceless. Fred you RULE dude!!!
9.		Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers – Destroyed L.A. Lakers and the life of a girl in Colorado, renews wedding vowels with his wife and the 4 karat diamond ring he gave her after having sex with another woman. What a team leader.
8.		Britney Spears – The first Redneck of Pop gained 30 pounds then announced she is pregnant, sold her pregnancy test on Ebay and announced that she will only discuss her personal life to the media through her art. How much do you think she'll get for the afterbirth?
7.		Rush Limbaugh – The pill popping blow hard invites Clay Aiken on his show ridicules Clay and American Idol, then apologizes to Aiken’s fans. Then Limbaugh goes to the local House of Pancakes and devours the dinner buffet.
6.		Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles – The star Wide Receiver publicly rips into teammate, Quarterback Donovan McNabb, for his Super Bowl performance and tells team he wants to renegotiate the 7 year 49 million dollar contract he signed last summer or he will holdout of training camp. I’ll take a player like Hines Ward over this guy anytime.
5.		Rosie O’Donnell – The 300lb gay woman does a the worst acting job in TV history in the CBS movie “Riding the Bus with my Sister” in which she played a mentally challenged girl that sounded a lot like comedian Bobcat Goldthwait in his act a few years ago. How anyone in the movie made it through the scenes without cracking up I’ll never know. Then states President Bush should be tried on war crimes for the Iraq conflict. Rosie you should be tried for war crimes for bad acting and smelling like tuna.
4.		Michael Jackson - The molestation trial getting weirder by the day. Jacko has books of naked little boys and is said to have a strange looking winkie … well there is a shock. How long before this Peter Pan Freak has a meltdown in court and rips off his nose and throws it at one of the prosecutions witnesses.
3.		Pat O’Brien – Leaves voice mail message to anonymous woman saying he wants a 3 way but you have to be into Betsy…checks into rehab for alcohol and cocaine abuse. Allegedly made racial slurs to minorities on the set of his TV show. And he’s Irish, go figure.
2.		Corey Clark – Former American Idol contestant claims to have had an affair with one of the judges, Paula Abdul, on Primetime Live and tries to expose Paula and American Idol. But Clark, who has a history of unlawful activity, also coincidently is trying to get a book published and an album released. The dude also talks like he has the interview skills of a brick…duhhhh you know what I’m sayin Jackass!
1.		Jennifer Wilbanks/John Mason – What a couple this is, Wilibanks or otherwise known as the “Runaway Bride” fakes her disappearance and flees from Georgia to New Mexico because of wedding day jitters and her fiancé Mason still wants to marry her. Dude take a hint, she’s crazy and does not want to marry you.