Pittsburgh favorite hometown skanky chick, Christina Aguilera has gotten hitched to some dude named Jordan Bratman. A lot of people do not know who Jordan is but he actually seems like a pretty down to earth good guy and actually has a job unlike someone else we know (Federline). Though not the best looking guy in the world, you know what they say uglier dudes try harder and don’t go around and impregnate multiple women at the same time (Federline). Christina and Jordan were married at the Staglin Family Vineyard in Napa Valley in front of about 130 friends and family including Justin Timberlake who was in the wedding as the Flower Girl. Cameron Diaz was also spotted at the wedding beating up a 12 year old girl that thought Justin was cute.

After the elegant wedding reception in California, Christina and Jordan jetted off to her hometown of Wexford, PA near Pittsburgh and had a blowout Pittsburgh style. Christina had the reception at the Wexford #2 fire hall that had approximately 300 family and friends with a reported 6 half-kegs of Iron City Beer, over 20 dozen pickled hard boiled eggs, and a garbage can full of fruit punch with 190 proof grain alcohol (a ‘Burgh tradition). The night included lots of Polka dancing and beer bongs and by the end of the evening the newlyweds were chanting the "Here We Go Steelers, Here We Go" anthem.

Nice Snapper

Well 2005 is almost over and it's so hard to believe that we have yet to have Axl Rose release that "Chinese Democracy" album from his band Geeks 'N Freaks. But we do hear that his record company wants to release another "Greatest Hits" album. Why I have no idea, KISS and Aerosmith must have 10 Greatest Hits albums but their catalog is a heck of lot bigger than 4 albums and a cover album that Guns 'N Roses have in their catalog.

Is that Plaxico Burress of the New York Giants with those nice cornrows? No, it's that lazy lump of sheep shit, Kevin Federline with an identified man, most likely a bodyguard keeping Mr. Britney Spears from spending all of Britney's money. Man what a lucky douche bag this guy is that married everyone's favorite redneck Britney Spears? Talk about a life this guy has, banging chicks and having like 4 kids in the last couple of years. He's lays around spending Britney's cash and pretending to be some sort of rapper? But the hair is just classic.

Well what can you say about our good friend and frequent "Rock Report" Jackass, Michael Jackson. As you know Wacko Jacko has fled the United States for safe refuge in Bahrain, I have no idea where this country is other than they must let pedophiles hide out there. R. Kelly must already have a reservation. Jacko seems to have been spotted fixing his makeup in a women's bathroom and his picture was snapped by a lady with a camera phone who just happened to be taking a tinkle when she spotted what looked to be ET putting on some eye liner. Now get this, it was reported Jacko chased the woman down and paid her off so she wouldn't sell the picture to anyone. Dude can you just imagine Jacko running other than from the police? Didn't I just hear that Jacko was trying to be more masculine? That is a good start to win some male fans over 12. Jacko couldn't become even a little masculine even if he joined Molly Hatchet as their lead singer. The guy is a cross between Diana Ross and ET. Remember his painted on goatee?

The "Rock Reports" good friend and the best frontman ever in Rock "Diamond" David Lee Roth was announced as one of the replacements for the Satellite Radio bound Howard Stern. Roth will take over for Stern on January 3rd. I have heard Roth come in and guest DJ a few times and he is very entertaining and it should be cool. Adam Carolla (whose dick is this guy sucking?) will be taking over most of the West Coast affiliates. What is Carolla going to talk about? How many time he gave Jimmy Kimmel a hand job.

C.C.'s Mailbag:

From Tim in Lexington, KY - C.C. What is the worst band or musical act that became critically acclaimed? Please don't say Limp Bizkit.

Oh Tim, believe me nobody ever would say Limp Bizkit was a critically acclaimed band besides our good friend Fred "Pee Stain" Durst. Well there have been a lot of bands/solo artists that I just don't get one being Elvis Costello. But I just could not stand Rage Against the Machine. The band was great musically as we see with the musicians forming Audioslave with singer Chris Cornell formerly of Soundgarden. But that lead singer with the dreads had the most annoying voice I have ever heard in my life, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard combined with someone pulling out your ass hair one by one with a pair of tweezers. They were a very political band but man instead of singing recite your opinions in a poem or something and quit singing you dread locked donkey dick.

Got a question for C.C. send them to c.c.rock@myuseless-info.com and maybe I'll send you a t-shirt of my band "Titties and Beer" just like this little dude is sportin'.

If there is an album that I can't wait to come out is Queensryche's "Operation Mindcrime II" which is set to be released in March of 2006. Drummer Scott Rockenfield and guitarist Michael Wilton have completed recording their parts and guitarist Michael Stone and bassist Eddie Jackson are scheduled to finish up in early December. Geoff Tate will lay down his vocals along with guest vocalist Pamela Moore and a special guest who will lay down vocals for Dr X is rumored to be none other than Rob "The Beast" Halford of Judas Priest. Dude's it gets no freakin' better than that. I'm sportin' a Woody as I type this up.

What is going on with the guys in Poison lately? C.C. Deville looks like will be doing some jail time for another DUI and then someone breaks into his house and steals some guitars and blonde hair dye. C.C. is also going to appear on VH-1's Surreal Life with none other than Sherman Hemsley (George Jefferson). Then my man, Bret Michaels is getting shots fired at his tour bus on November 21st. Word has it Bret only suffered a few scratches from broken glass from the bus window that were shot out. Bret will continue touring and his hair piece is doing fine.

One of my favorite bands of all-time, Journey, have released a new DVD featuring a concert they played in 1981 on the "Escape" album tour for MTV. The concert was filmed by MTV when they were still a baby at 4 months old. The concert was played twice on the new cable network and hasn't been seen since. The show is when Journey was just hitting the big time and is a great concert showing the band as they were really becoming something special from being a Bay Area "Jam" band to mega-stardom. What is even wilder is the DVD was mixed by none other that former lead singer Steve Perry. Below is a link to an interview he did with Classic Rock Revisted in which he talks about the DVD how emotional it was to watch, and his future in music. Check it out HERE . Also, Journey had release a new studio album titled "Generations" but does not include Steve Perry, but from what I have heard off the album it is a pretty good album

Steve Perry formerly of Journey

Hey guys look forward to my special Christmas "Rock Report" until then keep Rockin'!!!