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This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges
his wife awake
and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know
I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do
you?"
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Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with
Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you
two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said
that she's fucking goofy!"
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Q: What is the difference in keeping the same job for twenty years
and being married for 20 years?
A: After twenty years the job still sucks.
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Q: What is the best thing about oral sex?
A: The ten minutes of silence.
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Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
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Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
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A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the
couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a
beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer
and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's
going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer
and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..." The man sighs and
says, "It's started ..."
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Two guys are sitting in a bar discussing differnt
sex positions. The first one says "My favorite position is the rodeo". "How does that work?", asks the second guy.
Well you get your wife on our fours on the bed and do it doggy style. When she really starts enjoying it, you whisper
in her ear, "Your sister likes this position too". Then you try and hang on for eight seconds.
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A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for
a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to
open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no
way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality
of the situation hit him. "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the
end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your
driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with
a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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