The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed
down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip
a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an
aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack
off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit." |
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny
breasts. Dr. Smith advised her, "Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want
bigger boobies." She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning
she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might
lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus
closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies." A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any
chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and
whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."
|
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an
ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from
her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front
porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I
can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?" |
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden
their horizons through sensory perception. She brought
in a variety of lifesavers and said, 'Children, I would like you to close your eyes and taste these.'
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored
lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
'I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. 'It's something your daddy and mommy probably call each other all of
the time.'
Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,
'Spit 'em out, guys, they're assholes!' |
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his
lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and
shouted at the man, "You should be hung for letting her cut the grass!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!" |
Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A: Because a shoe couldn't hold all of that shit |
Q: What is the smartest thing to ever come out of a
women's mouth?
A: Einstein’s Dick |
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke
to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is
mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!" |
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they
have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the
baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?" |
